Ok. I just talked with the landlady. It was a very daunting task, but it turned out okay. I'm moving out tomorrow, I think. Or at least, I'm getting my things out. My sister and I went to church today. And I did my math homework. --- 123 days left! :( --- Just reread my older journal entries. There's a disturbing theme I've noticed throughout, and it's that I'm perpetually burnt out. I don't know why I'm so sapped of energy and motivation. At least I'm improving my relationship with God. I hope I glorify Him better this semester. I mean it hasn't officially started - the hell weeks. Tomorrow's my first class of advanced bowling. And someday in December, I'd be rereading this and dreading going back again for another sem. I just hope I can cope better next time. Some days, I don't feel like writing anything in here. It feels like a useless routine. But when I reread past entries, I get to see a glimpse of what it was like three months ago, or even a year ago. It's fascinating. I can look into the details that I've otherwise forgotten. That's why I have to keep writing everyday. --- I think I'm slowly getting there. Change is good. With the help of God, I will be what He wills me to be. I just hope you give me strength, God. Please. I'm slowly getting there. --- August 10 -- Tomorrow. I don't know, I just-- time. Time is oppressing me. I wish for it to be December already and as I do that, all the more time moves slowly as possible. And then when I suddenly realise it's already December, I hope for it never to end. Forever. No school forever. Hah. It's still August unfortunately. I'm also turning 18 this year. Couldn't believe it earlier when I'd just reread a journal entry where my 16-year-old self said that I'd be turning seventeen next year. And now it _is_ next year. 2015. Wow. Back in 2012 when I'd been 14 years old and in Shekinah, I mean, maaaan, she would never have imagined how I turned out to be, how our lives turned out to be. She had waaaay different priorities I suppose. Seems like my priorities change every year. Maybe a year from now, I'd even be a completely different person again. And I'd be officially an adult. I'm going to be 18. That's two years away from 20. And I'll graduate. At 21. 21. Wow. My parents aren't getting any younger. I have this fear that one of them would die too soon. And my life would be ruined. Because I love them. No matter how much I seem to be unfeeling or cold and selfish. I don't want time to harvest anything. But I know this is how God shows us to put our hope on Him only. Because His love can't be ravaged by time. --- Funny how I think my younger self seems slightly better at describing exactly what she feels at the moment. Maybe it's because her life wasn't that complicated yet. I'm jealous of her. I'm jealous of her coddled life. I'm jealous of her security. I'm jealous that she doesn't have any of my problems…yet. But I know I mustn't be like this. Nothing ever grows in the comfort zone. --- I don't even know what mood I'm in right now. Sleepy might be a mood? eh. --- Why haven't people figured out exactly how to study so that every minute spent in actual study brings about tangible results? like say, never forgetting things after a few weeks? That could really really really be useful.