I ate nachos and had a very chill afternoon. I walked with a coffee in hand while it fogged up my glasses as I drank. People were looking at me more than usual. Maybe I'm extra uglier today. I don't know. I think with God's help, I actually conquered another Physics Recitation Quiz because I remembered all the formulas. --- As much as I write about how I don't want to be in a relationship, I don't know why I still yearn to have physical intimacy with some man. Actually, I do. I know why. It's hardwired into my natural human brain. It's perfectly natural. Almost everyone has a sex drive. I am no exception, as much as I want to be one. I wish I was asexual. The first time I watched porn, I think it was a gif. I don't know. It felt weird, my loins. A yearning ache. Something was awoken in me that wanted _so_ bad to be satiated. These past few months, I've kept mum about these things even in my own journal. I don't know why. I just never felt comfortable talking about it. I just, sometimes, I really, really want to do it. With any handsome guy I see. It's terrifying. Well, not _every_ guy, but you know what I mean. When I'm horny, of course. I just want to feel really good and have those tingling sensations as someone else's skin rubs against mine and make my loins flutter. And then sometimes I think about I want to have it rough. Like struggling, somehow. That turns me on. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm really bored. I once fantasised myself into an orgasm without touching myself. I want to do it again, but I don't know how. It seems really convenient as I don't have to touch myself. --- Still no internet though. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing my nonsense thoughts in here. --- I can't believe I stayed up this late again. I was tweaking my two books-in-progress. Although I sort of did say that I'd delete them before, I can't help but feel that it would be a missed opportunity if I didn't finish it.