#### Can I go home now???? Pls. Kidding. But seriously though. I cannot wait any longer. It's almost May 29. Almoooost there. Almooooooost there. Oh and i also had my 3rd math exam and it was so satisfying to answer everything confidently, although i don't know what my score is yet. i hope it's in the 30s. Because I really need that 2.0 or higher. Or else I can't shift. And all of the software/game developer dreams vanish into thin air. All i want to be able to feel on may 29 is that all my efforts were not done in vain and that my grades would reflect that. I hope. I really hope. I really really really do hope. DO NOT FUCK UP PLEASE. --- I was just rereading some of my older journal entries and I can't help but be annoyed by how sickeningly positive I was when I was 11 or 12. I mean, it's like she has no idea what's going to happen to her in the future. Probably thought she'd become a world-class pianist. And never thought how she could fall out of love with piano ever. Now she's 17 and miserable and in college, which she could never have imagined. All of the positive things she'd experienced made her unprepared for this. Maybe she'd thought that everything would just fall into place just like how things used to be. When everything turned out her way. Not always though, but from what I remember, the biggest problems of mine at that time was trying to become more attractive than my gorgeous, tall, and skinny friend Kate. Why couldn't i have put the time in to develop solid study habits and try to build my own games or something? Oh that's right. Piano took up most of my life. Now that it's basically useless, I haven't had the foundation for anything else. Why couldn't I just have been enrolled in a programming class or get out of Shekinah? That was a huge waste of my potential. Such a colossal waste. My anger cannot be put to words. I know it's not completely right to blame everything on circumstance but really? I had every right to expect that I'd be at the top of my game when I was in grade school. I had top marks, top everything. I don't know what happened. Now I'm in college and barely making the grades. I wasn't too mature to know what was right for me. Hell, if I'd been the parent of a really gifted child who could read twice as fast as the average drooler I would have enrolled myself in a gifted children's program, or even hire specialized tutors who know what they're doing instead of entrusting my precious brain into incompetent hands of teachers who were questionably qualified to handle students. Now that my potential is no longer there… _SIGH_ I COULD have been something.