I have a problem. I can't seem to get started on anything productive I'm supposed to do. Maybe I really am depressed. I have done nothing productive. And yet I think I will be furious as hell when I receive low scores. And I'm planning to shift in a course where logical thinking is paramount if I want to succeed. I feel like a complete failure. I will start tomorrow. I promise. --- I know myself and deep down in the darkest depths of my cold stone heart, I know for a fact that my only driving force in life is this: acquiring lots and lots of money. I know I'll never be happy though, even if I suddenly become a billionaire right now. Oh who am I kidding? I will be the happiest person alive, well at least temporarily. It would be better if i didn't exist because I wouldn't have to deal with this. I disappoint everyone, including myself. And I wouldn't know that I didn't exist anymore if I didn't exist. I really want this semester to be over already. I'm just dragging myself until May 29, the last day of final exams. And that's 60+ days away, I think. Two freaking months of this agony. And I still have midyear classes to worry about. Which will leave me with two weeks for summer vacation. And I still haven't broken my shitty habits. i wasn't like this in high school at all? How have I let myself go like this?