#### I really miss home I miss going on joyrides to Balingasag and then eating jollibee along the way and then getting there and reading magazines about interior design because my aunt has buttloads of them. I really didn't intend to go this far to go to university. I always thought I'd just get a degree from Xavier. I never really put much thought into growing up then. My younger self would have just wanted to stay inside her comfortable bubble surrounded by family, home, and air-conditioning. Not hellish temperatures, sleep deprivation, and even-sleep-can't-cure-headaches. My present self would've said the same. But my future self is counting on my immature younger present self to get my shit together. Why is all this responsibility being handed down to me? I'm not mature enough to take care of my mental health, let lone when I fail to understand seemingly easy lessons. I'm a mess. But how can I fix all this when I'm so far behind everyone? And now this desire to shift to another course is so inconvenient at this point in the year. I have to start all over again. --- #### I think I might be depressed. A little. But no matter! Nothing matters. I'm going to do shit anyway. --- #### i have ideas about writing a novel like souls having a distinct colour that no eye has ever seen before. or idk maybe it's a stupid idea. people who see these 'colours' are never the same. only a few people can actually see them and i should incorporate feeling as well like what tastes dark and sweet and tingly, but it's not felt, it's tasted. Magnificent food everywhere in one room that doesn't make you fat. because ingesting this kind of magic food will literally change your physiology. Developed by who? Who knows. But it works. It's probably drugs. NO Infused with some kind of wonder drug, I'm sure. Everything is stupid to you, Merlin. That's why you never lived at all. If only I could program something to extract it. It's very elusive. It makes you see things you've never seen before. Everybody wants a taste. It only exists in some magic food, and where the hell did it even come from anyway? Its effects haven't been studied at all. And who knows what the long-term effects are? Who cares?