#### Does learning have to be painful to be effective? Let me rephrase. How many mistakes do I have to make in order to become legitimately smart? I feel like an incompetent buffoon in the hallowed halls of university. In a sea of intellectuals full of ideas, sophistication, and wit. I am a nobody. Just drifting through and trying -- no -- grappling, because the lessons don't mean anything much to me except for the numbers. Yes the numbers. The elusive numbers that determine my smartness and eligibility for a job I might potentially hate. Everything else is pointless. Tedious. Boring. A complete waste of time. Maybe I'm in the wrong degree program. Not maybe. Surely, yes. Perhaps. I thought I could wing it. "Fake it 'til you make it", as they say. But even then it's not worth the mental anguish after trying so hard and still not having anything to show for. Was it my fault for being passive when I haphazardly wrote down that degree program not knowing how breakneck it would be for my poor little unaccustomed and underused brain? I had a choice, and I blew it. Lesson learned.