Just when I thought my brain couldn't take any more, I managed to squeeze out some brain juice to study for my math long exam. I don't know why I'm so calm right now. Maybe it's because I know that a storm is coming and I've already resigned myself to that certain demise. Anyway, I really cannot do it without God. I have no merits for myself because no matter how hard I study, I keep on forgetting things, concepts, anything that I want to remember. It's like my brain is actually degenerating and I don't know why. Maybe it's lack of sleep. I just realised how much hard life in UP is. I have a loooot of readings to go and we have an experiment on Wednesday, and probably a short quiz before the lecture. I hope I do well on it. Of course, I also have a Long Exam in Math this Wednesday, which I've been studying for since Saturday. I pray for a stronger memory. I also pray for my family, and especially my parents, my mom, because she got demoted, and dad, to keep on going and have enough strength to work to provide for us. Anyway, I have to sleep earlier. And there's also the fact that I just took a closer look at my legs in the mirror and I once again for the hundredth time realised that they are HUGE. I sometimes forget that, thinking that they're bigger than average but NOOOPE. They're huge, and I'm almost at that point where I just don't care anymore. Studies are more important to me now. I hope God would become more important, and I know that He SHOULD be, but I find that I have absolutely no time anymore, as in, I run out of time. I can't tell if it's because I have really bad time management, or because I'm not aware that I'm wasting it on other mindless things. Probably the latter. I hope I get good grades. This is all just so incomprehensible but I don't even care about form right now. I'm just spitting out my thoughts all over the place. I can't even imagine making it through the week, but then again, a month ago, I never would have thought that I'd make it through a month of this. The whole week's like four days of hell, and three days of semi-hell. There is no respite. Even though I think I'm carefree for a moment, there's always a nagging feeling that I should be doing something more productive. I hope this kind of pressure will make me become a better, more-organised student, but sadly, everything is all over the place. I hope I get used to this. As of right now, my life has no order. I don't know how to study, and I'm constantly in panic-mode, semi-panic mode, and zombie-tanga mode.