I have to list down my current fears. I don't know if the book is a catalyst in this sudden decision but I just know that I have to write them down. 1. I fear not having enough intelligence to survive college in UP. 2. I'm afraid of being left behind in terms of education, intelligence, wealth, etc. 3. I'm afraid of the time when my self-imposed loneliness bites me in the butt and will cause my life to be miserable. 4. I'm afraid that the course I've chosen for college isn't actually what I want to do, but I don't know what to choose anyway. 5. I'm afraid of not being able to cope and become increasingly stressed out. I don't look forward to be on the edge of my breaking point. 6. I don't like the fact that I'm separated from my family while in college. Although I don't really know if it's because I love them or because I was so used to living there. --- Okay my mom just texted me and said that they just watched a movie, God's Not Dead, which I haven't seen yet and after that, they're going to go to Balingasag. :( I really miss going on a joy ride with them. I don't know how I got to that link, but I may have just diagnosed myself with Avoidant personality disorder. The symptoms are so spot-on. I don't know how I feel about it. I always thought I had social anxiety but I may possibly have this too. It doesn't bother me too much. I'm just naturally a loner who doesn't really connect with people, and it's probably my fault, but I don't really mind. I think relationships with people aside from family aren't that important, and i'm sure if I voiced that out, I'd be ostracised. Whoever this Krishnamurti guy is, the author of the two books assigned to us in Philosophy, well, I think he does make some good points about 'life' issues but I don't agree with him at all. If I don't believe in God, then his ideas would probably be my own too, but he seems to have figured out life without God. I cannot say the same for myself. I just hope that God will understand if my paper says things which I don't really mean. I just need to reflect this guy's opinions and pray that I get a good grade. Today, I mean on Aug 24, because it's 12-1 AM already, I went to church with my cousin at Victory in Regiscenter, Katipunan. I noticed that their preaching really didn't do anything for me; it didn't have power, I guess. Also, my high school classmates are planning to meet up in Manila. I feel like I wasted my whole day, because I didn't really study, but I did listen to David Gibb's sermon on youtube.