Okay, it's still Sunday night to me even though it says Monday already. I'm only a week before plunging outside of my comfort zone, which is college. I'm writing this right now because I want to reminisce someday when I'm all clad in a graduation 'sablay'. I'm feeling really, really, really emotional right now because I still haven't fully conditioned my mind that I'll be leaving home - the place where I've lived all of my sixteen short years. And I'm kind of crying as I'm typing right now. Who knows how much more my pillows in my dorm might have to absorb? Nothing makes me more sad than the thought that I'LL BE ENTIRELY ALONE. Sometimes, I'd have these little flashbacks where I see the colourful notebooks that I had when I was in elementary. Or sometimes, I'd remember some random timeframe like when I was probably 8-10 years old and attending my dad's youth group meetings every Saturday. Trivial, little flashbacks. But I miss them. I miss being a kid. I miss having not to go somewhere far away to study and just being free from responsibility, where my biggest problem was getting high grades (which didn't really stress me out) in fifth grade. And today, six days from now, I'll be boarding a plane to go to UPD and spend six months and study and go home during December and going back again and going home in June and then having to repeat that cycle for four years if I'm lucky. And then there's med school, but that's still a lifetime away. A few hours earlier, my dad, sister, and I went grocery shopping while mom was at church. I sort of remarked that that would be my last grocery trip with them before I leave. My dad rubbed my back and repeated my observation. I hate finalities. I don't even know why I pointed that out. Made me all the more sad and anxious. What is wrong with me? Then we picked up mom and had dinner at Bigby's. I ordered grilled chicken carbonarra and so did my sister. My parents ordered something I don't really remember. Also, there were quesadillas. I said it tasted a little weird because they were supposed to taste cheesy but it seemed as though somebody put cesar salad on it and then my sister corrects me and says that it's dressing. I don't know if it was the lights or just my imagination, but my dad looked like he had shiny eyes. Maybe I was just assuming, but for some reason, I was barely able to contain my own tears. (Although I did, somehow, with techniques such as looking down and diverting my thoughts elsewhere that won't make me cry.) We went home on a full belly, and I had to use the bathroom right after, and ended up delaying because I sort of had a bout of constipation. I ended up on this laptop as usual and feeling such a wide variety of emotions that I just had to write about it, but not on paper because it's wasteful and stupid. I SO CAN'T WAIT TO SPEAK IN TAGALOG :/ :((( AND GET MY SELF-ESTEEM CRUSHED AS I STUDY WITH GENIUSES. AND HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE TO GROW UP AND BE INDEPENDENT AND BECOME AN ADULT.