Is it bad that I would totally let my chemistry teacher kiss me if he ever wanted to? I mean hypothetically of course. I'd never had a proper conversation with him ever. I only approached him once this whole semester and I even mispronounced 'molecular'. Gosh. I'll refer to him as my chemistry teacher instead of writing his name because it seems really blasphemous to write his name here somehow. Even though it is MY JOURNAL. What is wrong with me. Okay. Never mind. I'm going to call him sir Carl in this entry. I mean, he is attractive, I admit. But why am I so ashamed of acknowledging that fact? That one time I actually talked to him, I couldn't really tell if he was nervous or what or something, he was slightly smiling but I couldn't tell if he also did that with the other students. My memory is so foggy that I don't even remember him looking at me straight in the eye. Maybe he wasn't even looking at me in the eye. I mean, from what I remember, he didn't actually answer my question about if molecular orbitals were going to be on the first chemistry exam. He just said he forgot and proceeded to write something on the board for reasons I don't know why, and for some odd reason, I got the feeling that he was looking at me or flexing his arm or something. Maybe I was imagining stuff. Probably that, I guess. But I couldn't shake the feeling that he…I don't know, somehow 'noticed' me. After that, I said thanks and walked away. Just like that. How stupid of me. I don't know when it started. It just kind of happened I guess. It's the end of the semester and I still get the urge to write about him in this entry at 12:00AM. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???!!!?? And honestly, I find myself fantasising about making out with me multiple times throughout the day. When I drift off and daydream that is. It's like it's all I could think about. My entire daydreams are somehow consumed with the feeling of kissing and how nice it must be to share with someone whom you connect with intellectually, physically and everything else. I don't know if this stems from me wanting approval from people who I look up to. It's like I crave for his approval. Sounds silly but it's partly the reason why I try so hard to study for chemistry. SO THAT HE WON'T THINK I'M STUPID.