Before I wrote this, I was reading the other pages and realised that I liked reading it. I mean, I could catch a glimpse of what happened years ago, that I don't even remember, and so for that, I will really try my best to write here as often and truthfully. Right now, it's 10:45 and I'm crouching near the door as I find that this is the only time that I could write while everyone's asleep. gosh, I have no privacy. I really badly need my own space. Too bad, I don't have a freakin' room! I want one so bad :( Lately, I've become more and more materialistic, every time I see things and clothes, shoes, etc, I say in my head that I want them. But the problem is, I don't get any money and allowance. Well, maybe sometimes I get money but it's usually rare and just for special occasions. I can't help but wish that we were rich. At night I imagine that we live in a house, a big, big house that has a swimming pool, a big, nice, living room, and a spacious lawn. And then I'd have my own room, where I'd have the coolest gadgets, like a DSLR camera, laptop, iPod, ell, and etc. I guess I would need tons of money for that. Too bad we aren't rich. I find myself daydreaming that I could have all the things I'd want, and a money making machine that would provide me with endless cash. That would be great, but I know it would be impossible. I also badly want to become taller, like 5'5ish. I want to have long legs, unlike my stubby big ones right now. I know it'll take some very hard work. Ugh, wouldn't this be easier if I was born with it. Sometimes I think I have the worst genes ever. I know everyone feel stat about themselves, oh well, I'll just try my best to be my best self. Now, we're practicing for our sportsfest and it has been going well and I hope we win. I always love to win, and this would probably be my last year. Well, it's been hard in school because I find myself procrastinating since I discovered this site called Tumblr. Hopefully I'll stop this bad habit of mine. I have to write what I feel, so I kinda feel neutral this day. Well, nothing really exciting happens to me. And I think I might not really like Vince. The reason why I say that is because I think I only like him for his face and his appearance. I gotta admit that he is very handsome/cute. The way he carries himself kinda turns me on sometimes and I don't know why. Anyways, i find myself daydreaming about him and sometimes he's the reason why I can't fall asleep sometimes. Crazy right? When I first met him in 1st year high school, I had no idea that he'd actually like me, guess we can never tell the future eh? I still like it when he talks to me, but sometimes he ignores me and it makes me wonder if he still likes me or not. Maybe the reason why I don't really like him anymore is maybe, well, I've been crushing on someone else. But he doesn't like me that way. He's very friendly to all the girls and he's kinda immature sometimes. I find him handsome too. Ugh, why do I have to have crushes? If there were no crushes I'd be less distracted and focus properly. For some selfish reason, I sometimes want all the boys to like me, like how they drool over those very pretty actresses and girls. But I know better, that they only like them for their appearance. Right now I'm thinking that I have a very boring life. Nothing exciting happens. All I do is school, piano, the typical stuff. I want to right more but I can't freakin think of anything else. I feel like I should write everything I feel but I'm kinda afraid that someone will find this and read it. Oh well, here goes nothing. Well, I've been finding myself thinking about kissing and well, that kind of stuff. Take note that that's probably sugar-coated! I think about making out and "that-act-that-is-forbidden-outside-wedlock." Maybe I'm just curious, and this is probably normal for every teen my age. I imagine what it feels like to have butterflies in your stomach before that first kiss. Will there be fireworks? Will it feel nice? Those are some of the questions I find myself thinking about. I think that I should probably not prioritize those things yet, might as well reserve them for marriage. I hope my future significant other also preserves himself, well, I'd want him to be pure too, so I should also be pure. I wish I knew what to say now, because I literally have no idea what else to write about. It seems like talking about crushes and other teen problems are all that I could write. Sometimes I dream about being perfect. I'd know how to draw perfectly and brilliantly, play the piano like a genius, write great books, etc. But those are just my fantasies. I also wish that I could have happiness. Because sometimes I don't feel it. I know only God can give happiness, and I know that I'm a Christian, but sometimes I feel that dull feeling when I'm not sad or happy, just dull, lifeless, bleh. Well, I have to pray about this too. ![[November 30, 2011-1781252731872.webp]] ![[November 30, 2011-1781252754045.webp]]![[November 30, 2011-1781252778963.webp]]![[November 30, 2011-1781252807062.webp]]![[November 30, 2011-1781252833657.webp]]