Two things happened today testing me. I can’t confide in anybody—I just can’t. Chirag was supposed to go on a killing spree at 3:00 p.m, same time Jesus died, he said through phone, to spite me and everything I’d ever done—which he says is nothing—to earn my privilege, not even the Parousia, but the possibility of Carl being interested in me even though I’m frightfully average-looking all because I’m special. That I’ll never understand the shame of losing. I didn’t know what to say—I asked for a Hail Mary from God and They answered me. It worked. I still feel hollow about it, like nothing matters anymore. Carl got privately married to a former student. He changed his religion for her. He really loves her. Life goes on.