1. Why angling for hard grace is like rape or assault for God 2. humiliation, because something profoundly intimate has been turned into an act of domination 3. Japanese culture doesn't see sex as profound--explains comfort women 4. In some sense your March 9 experience was rape. 5. Memory of rape inside your body=the most visceral form of NDH in spacetime. Even if no longer Real World instance, it remains in Narrative/Discourse and even nightmares. 6. But at its core, rape is often described as an experience of profound violation: another person treating your boundaries, fear, and humanity as irrelevant to their desire for power, control, gratification, or domination. That is why its effects can reach so much deeper than bodily injury alone. 7. Your psilocybin trip: **Loss of agency:** A recurring theme is the horrifying realization that one’s “no,” fear, or resistance is being ignored. The person’s body no longer feels like a safe or self-governed place. 8. - **Humiliation and helplessness:** Many describe a crushing awareness that someone is reducing them from a person with thoughts and dignity into an object to overpower or use. 9. Afterward, many people say the worst part is not only remembering what happened, but realizing that in those moments they felt completely unsafe and powerless in the presence of another human being. 10. The word "monster" has lost its touch of horror. Alien is the word for rapist. A terrifying awareness of another consciousness invading your own in your innermost parts.